When we develop friendships, we intend for them to last. But since two
fallen human beings are involved, occasional hurt feelings and unmet
expectations are likely. If one or both people simply ignore the offense,
the relationship can be damaged.
Repairing a troubled friendship requires humility to admit our faults,
effort to fix the problem, and time. But the reward is a renewed
connection with a valued companion. The process of saving a friendship begins
when you acknowledge that damage exists. This takes place the moment
you say, "I feel something isn't right in our relationship. I'd like for
us to find and fix the problem."
It's helpful to work together to assess how the trouble began. Perhaps
it resulted from a misunderstanding, an unresolved conflict, or one
person's busyness. After recognizing the problem, apologize for your part
in it. Taking responsibility and saying "I'm sorry" shows your love and
commitment to the friendship. Remember that an essential aspect of
apologizing is refusing to justify wrong actions or blame others.
An apology must be followed up with amends. Ask your friend what
specific action you both can take to rebuild the relationship. Then commit to
follow his or her suggestion while occasionally asking, "How am I
doing?"
Rather than waiting until their relationship is in trouble, wise
friends will go through these steps as soon as they're aware of having hurt a
loved one. Preventative care can soothe minor scrapes before they
become serious wounds.
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